Types of Guys You’ll Meet on Halloween

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Here are some types of guys you’ll meet on Halloween. Article post from Cosmopolitan 🙂

1. The Drunk Guy Missing Half His Costume. This dude has managed to get plastered at whatever party or bar you’re at even though it’s only 9. Most of his costume seems to be missing and is probably stuck in some bushes or clogging a nearby toilet. Maybe at one point he was a pirate? You talk to him for way longer than you should because you’re desperately trying to figure out what he once was. What was his facepaint before it wound up running down his face in streaks? This man had dreams and goals once. He woke up and put on a costume he was obviously proud of. He came out tonight and planned to have fun with his friends. He saw this going differently. Now, after skipping dinner and letting his bros feed him too many Jaeger bombs, he’s just a husk of the man he once was. A drunk, shambling zombie in a… is he supposed to be a clown? A clown costume? In another life, maybe you could’ve been married.

2. The Dude Whose Entire Costume Revolves Around Showing Off His Abs. This guy is playing to his strengths. He knows what works best for him, and what works best is costumes that don’t have a shirt (or at best, a half shirt). He’s either a viking, ’80s aerobics instructor, wrestler, Tarzan, or a man who was recently burgled and the thief only stole his shirts.

3. The Guy Who Really Thought the Giant Penis Costume Was a Good Idea. Alternatively, he has one of those costumes with a fake butt or boobs. He genuinely thinks these props are hilarious and runs around the venue “flashing” everyone and laughing for hours. He gets angry if you don’t also find it funny. This is the kind of guy who grows up to be (or already is) Todd Packer from The Office.

4. The Guy Who is Probably a Cosplayer. He shows up in a working Iron Man/Master Chief/Stormtrooper costume that took the better part of a year to make. It’s the costume everyone is into. He’s not even allowed to enter Halloween contests, it’s just unfair. He probably won’t let you mess around with his stuff. (Unless he’s a few drinks deep and then he’ll let you try on the helmet).

5. The Dude Who is Too Cool for Halloween. This guy isn’t wearing any kind of costume whatsoever, and is aggressive about that fact. You can tell he’s judging you for dressing up. He probably uses the term “sheeple” unironically. He thinks he’s really interesting to talk to. Just avoid him.

6. The Guy That Does the “Bare Minimum.” This guy hates Halloween, too, but he’s at least making sure to get a participation ribbon. He’ll throw on a clown nose or cat ears or a very simple costume that doesn’t look too much different from street clothes. To make a second Office reference here, he’s Jim in every Halloween episode. And like Jim, he thinks his lack of commitment to the holiday is more endearing than it really is.

7. The Poor Guy Who is Just Really, Really Bad at Halloween. This guy looks like “bare minimum” guy but acts like he’s put together a great costume. And he really believes it. This poor soul threw on a suit and doesn’t understand that you don’t know he’s The Wolf of Wall Street. And he doesn’t specify that he’s a character from the movie, he just yells the title a lot, with a lot of enthusiasm. Even at 2 AM, when the 100th person asks him what he’s supposed to be, he gets exasperated, like everyone else is dumb for not seeing it. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Continue reading here.

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