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I found this article soooo interesting!

are all girls barsexual

Advice Columnist and Relationship Expert, Emily Wilcox, author of  100 Lesbians Walk Into A Bar takes a much needed and revealing behind the scenes look at lesbian dramas regarding sex, love, family, cheating, money, breaking up, moving in, coming out, marriage and much more.

We asked Emily Wilcox to share with us some of the most common lesbian dating and relationship issues and how she would go about solving them.

What first gave you the idea to write a book called 100 Lesbians Walk into a Bar? Where does the title come from?

My former advice column “Ask Emily” (for women who love women) sponsored by Here Media inspired the idea for the book. I had so many questions sent to me by my lesbian readers that I decided to put them into a book that would hopefully help women out there who are stuck in a bad relationship, trying to fix a mediocre one or find lasting love. The topics in the book range from sex to loss to finding your perfect match. And I always try to make it fun and entertaining.

The idea for the title was because a bar is usually a place where we go to drown our sorrows and forget about life for a while, as well as a place to laugh and have a good time. I wanted to have a funny title because I needed readers to know that this was not another depressing self-help book. When you deal in matters of the heart, there is automatically an underlined seriousness to it. But this book deals with these matters in a light fun way, where I transmit information with a wink and a smile. If I had a more serious title, people could easily assume the book was not funny…or worse, boring!

The book is a compilation of questions and answers about lesbian dating and relationships, are these questions from real lesbians?

Yes! Or so they say, right? They are real people. I changed their names to protect their identities.

Where do they find you to ask you their lesbian dating and relationship questions?

I am no longer answering questions as I no longer write an advice column…at least temporarily. I took some time to write books instead. I also have an office in Studio City, California, where I do private coaching. However, if I get the occasional question, I am happy to offer my advice. My e-mail address is actually in the back of the book, so I do welcome questions and comments. I enjoy helping women and I have a passion for supporting them to access their best self, best relationship and best life.  Having come from a place of despair to a place of joy and well-being, I can easier support those women who are struggling with their own issues of self worth. And at the end of the day, relationships don’t have problems, people do! And if we have self-love, we will only tolerate so much silliness from outside sources and our partners. We will no longer need to seek advice externally because we will automatically do what is best for us in our relationships. Sometimes the word “compromise” gets taken to the extreme and we lose ourselves and our ability to think on our own. We should never have to sacrifice who we are in order to be in a relationship. This should never be the case.

You start your book with a chapter on break-ups. Why start there? At the end?

I never thought of it that way! You are right. The reason why I actually had the break ups in the first chapter was partially because nearly 50% of readers had pain associated with a recent break up. After all, women write to me because they have problems and that is a main one. I started the book with the most popular problem. It is interesting that you call it “the end” because I think my goal was to let readers know this can also be a “new beginning.” Not many people read my book because they are in a perfect relationship or feel like they have a perfect life. And I suppose that perfection never really exists, but through our perceptions. I perceive my life to be perfect. But surely, someone else looking in would have a very different perspective. Perception is everything in life and our happiness depends on our ability to change our perceptions. Good lord, am I rambling or what? I feel like the wanna-be female version of Deepak Chopra. How annoying! Ok moving on…

Are you ever surprised by the questions you get? What’s one question that has shocked or stumped you?

I once had a woman ask me if faking an orgasm made her a liar even if she knew it was enhancing her relationship. I told her that if she needed to fake it, lying was the least of her problems.

Why do some lesbians fall for straight women? What’s that about?

This is a multi-faceted answer and is always an interesting conversation because as you know, we are born gay or straight. Our sexual orientation and gender identity are the two things in ourselves we cannot choose. So, why then do some lesbian woman think they can possibly “turn” a straight woman? They can’t and some lesbian women know this intrinsically. Therefore, falling for a straight woman has a safety to it. On another note, ‘”femininity” can be more prevalent in the straight community and there are also so many beautiful women in the world that it’s hard to not fall for them—straight or gay!

Can (and should) lesbians remain friends with their exes?

Yes, they sure can as long as both women and their respective partners are in agreement. However, if you are in a newly committed relationship and still have residual feelings for an ex, it would be not be in integrity to remain friends. At least until both parties have moved on emotionally. But being friends with our exes can be such an asset to our lives. I mean, who else knows us better than them?

What’s the best lesbian dating advice you can give?

Be yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not. We fall in love with truth. And truth, although we think it is hidden and invisible, is felt energetically. We have to remain authentic, even if we think vulnerability is risky. It’s much riskier to hide behind false pretences and alter egos in order to avoid opening up and hence, possibly getting hurt. So, when we are putting on airs, lying or trying to make ourselves appear a certain way, it will only backfire. We never need to pretend to be someone we are not. We should love ourselves exactly as we are at this very minute. There is nothing we need to be, do or have to be incredibly valuable to the world. We are worthy simply because we were born. We are lovable and deserving of love without fixing one single thing about ourselves. We cannot wait to start dating or looking for love simply because we want to “fix” ourselves first. We will never be perfect or without flaws, ever! We are perfect with our flaws. And from this realization, comes great confidence.

I hope you enjoyed it

Suzy

Where can people find out more about the book and ask you their own lesbian dating or relationship questions? Go here

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